Life is – um – interesting sometimes…

As you may know if you talk to me in the etsy forums, or if you read my other blog, life has been rather interesting this last year.  I have always had really serious asthma problems, but over the course of this last year those problems have escalated to a point that has been terrifying.  I’ve spent most of the last year fighting to get through the simplest chores, and there have been times I’ve quiet literally been confined to the couch or my computer chair.

The doctors have suggested several times that it might be the Eastern Wa. climate that was messing me up so bad.  I’m from Western Wa. and my husband and I had moved to Eastern Wa. for school.  Well, even knowing they were probably right, I fought for any other solution possible other than moving home.  I had a lot of reasons for doing that, I like the school, I’m stubborn, and I truly had no clue it would drag on this long.

Over  the summer that decision seemed to be justified as I was improving over all.  I still was a far cry from healthy, but I was getting more done in the day to day.  I had a couple of scares, but we got through it.

Then, during the last few weeks, I started getting really sick again.  I had to drop the class I was taking and I’ve been pumped full of meds yet again.  Finally, even I had to admit that moving was really the only option left to me.  So we started putting things into motion to move and we had everything set up to move next weekend.

This last week has been really hard for me.  I’ve been chomping at the bit to organize things so that the  move would be easier, and I’ve been really struggling with my asthma so I’ve been able to do very little.  That’s been really hard on me emotionally, but at the same time confirmed that we were making the right decision.  The week started out with me having an attack that I should have gone to the hospital with, but decided not to. (bad Ruthie)  It took a few days to recover from that, I had one good day, and then yesterday was really bad.

Yesterday I was trying really hard not to push my body to hard at all.  By early afternoon I was doing terrible.  Finally, we went in to ER.  I got the star treatment!  Which is actually rather frightening.

It was scary to have them whisk me away so quickly and have 3 people hovering over me.  It was scary to have them running blood tests, something they don’t normally do when I go in for asthma.  It was scary knowing that I was already on a high level dose of steroids so I shouldn’t BE having this many problems.  Scariest was after I’d been there for awhile, been treated, was doing better but not good, and having the doctor tell me that I wasn’t doing bad enough to be admitted.

While I do know that my doctors considered admitting me last winter…this is the first time I’ve had a doctor talk to me about it as having been a possibility right then and there.  I know it shouldn’t shake me, I knew deep down inside that I was doing bad enough that was a possibility, but it still shook me up.

Went home, called my Mom to tell her what happened, and she offered to come get me.  I talked to Mo and he was relieved that she was going to be able to!  I was so drugged up and exhausted that I hadn’t really even registered the doctor suggesting I leave town as soon as possible to get me in a new environment.  Mo couldn’t really take me because he really needs to work this last week because we’re going to need what ever money we have as we deal with all of this.

So, this morning, my Mom and brother drove up and got me.  I’m “home” in Vancouver at my parents house and trying to rest.  I’m still not breathing very well at all.  I can’t walk more than a couple feet without sounding like I’ve been running, and I’m even out of breath sitting down. I also hurt really bad from all the lactic acid build up that you get in your muscels when your short on oxygen – just like what a runner feels.

I’m really emotional right now.  I know this is the only option right now, but it’s hard to drop out of college and move back home.  We’re not going to be living with our parents, we have a house sitting gig for two months and hopefully we’ll be able to get an apartment by then, but it’s still really hard emotionally.  Having to leave a week earlier was even harder.

I know most of you guys didn’t even know half of this.  I decided I’d be open and share with all of you because the main readers of this blog are my etsy friends, and you guys have been an incredibly supportive community.

So that’s why I haven’t been around for the last day and half.  And if I sound a little extra loopy in the near future – well – I can blame it quite honestly on the really high level of steroids and other drugs in my system right now.  And lack of oxygen…